Sometime between the cat cry and early morning riser
anxiety crept in
slipped in beneath oiled soaked sheets
and was swallowed legs and all.
Gulped up by the thirst for early morning reprise...
dehydrated by a night of knowing
with swollen tongue my gasping mouth welcomed her
deceived by her twilight disguise...

I wake with a sunken tightness
that sticks like a heavy residue
to my bottom right rib
and encases my lungs
with a painful grip...

Last night I dreamt of the nearing future
transcending past grief into stupid petty thoughts of tomorrow
unnecessary burdens that entangle my intestines
like one of Lorraine Leyland's
'Devils on Horseback'
cooked wrong way
on this road trip of uncertainty

I count these minutes
as though they are the unwanted last
The train is drawing nearer
but the que is long
and the pointed hats block
the departure time
it flickers yellow
and I sense movement at the station

Inside a glass pot
a flower has bloomed...
I witnessed it's virgin awakenings
but boredom distracted me from it's glorious struggle
to beauty

I am sickened by my inabilities
is this all life has taught me?

I eat to fill the waiting minutes
like a child at the dinner table
waiting from breakfast to dusk
I bother a working woman
and long for a school day
that only brings the torture of bullies...
ungrateful of my summer reprieve

I want to dye my hair red like her
clean out the fridge like she
crack those walnuts
that I eat despite the bitterness...

my limbs shrunken
can't reach my strings
cut loose by a negligent puppet master
I dangle and observe
this sliding heat
my scrabbling feet
barely brushing the earth
disturbs the dust
that makes me sneeze
and stops my breath
paralysed by the fear of being blinded
by this cloud
i squint to see
nothing is clear to me
nothing is clear...

lost in the desert

the heat... sits like panic in my ribcage
an anxiety that leaks from my pores...
i drip into the concrete
my skin opening
cracks parting for breath
only to be met by a stifling heat...
like a memory sought out but unwanted.

cool sweat pools into the sunken bellows of my eyes

fled again
stripped myself clean of belonging
in search of self
to be met with the humbug
of an epic soundtrack
that belts out the narrative of my year...
emptiness met by loneliness
belonging flogged by the camel whip
into a powdery dust storm
that lingers in our teeth
like lasts night grit

i dream of family
sleepless pain
of broken wombs
and bloodied rivers
of detrimental songs
and broken truths...
gone are the days of metaphoric broken teeth
my nights are filled with their shadows

an echo escapes my lip
confused static between stations
is the vocab I am left with
blank stares and muffled ears
follow me around like ghosts
in this town of yesterday

I wanted a break
an escape
but the one thing I needed to leave behind
is permantley lining my suitcase
even this desert blaze can't erase this silent shadow

jumping in

we tread between the lines
softly tilting the boat this way and that
siphoning in increments of water
that lick at our toes...
reminding us of who we once were
behind us is the island we came from
ahead the sun sets on our new found wisdom

secrets slip lick sea lice between our toes
nudging at the what was...
wonderment of whats to come
if not you
then what?

I have to admit I feel a little stranded
I lied when I said I knew the way
now I'm caught with thoughts of capsizing!
if I just fessed up you would probably
drop your unease like an anchor
and we would start to sing again
but instead my sideways glances
puzzle you into unrest
and as our boat precariously shifts from side to side
we dare not ask who will jump first

spaces for growing things

there are places for things to grow
spaces for me to fit into
tight squeezing
or falling in
disappearing into the crevice with unintentional ease

there is a space for me within you
i can feel it
but wh...ere has been hazed
with a premeditated thought
and spontaneous words
sputtered outside a lift

i would like to be someone else when i'm with you
but this too is impossible
because i am me when I am trying to be you!
your the large pothole that appeared as a shadow
but the bottom was soft
and I landed with the grace of your stride

but it's not my short leg strut that accompanies your stride along the footpath
unconscious blue silk
meets your step
and even hurries a little ahead
with playful delight

there is a space somewhere in all that for me
my pores attempt closure at the fear of that
and yet you present me the calm I need...
for you to be misled by my confident ways!

you make me quiver!

in a silent, pleasured way
but I don't believe your astonished eyes are aware

you attempt to peer into me...
I catch you sidewards
but your not trying hard enough
because I too have a space inside of me...
waiting to be filled by you

Sound by: Cosmo Cosmopoliton

This is a piece that was part of a large-scale, multi-faceted, performance installation called See Me Crumple (a.k.a my graduate work) it was created in collaboration with Tracie Crockford, Sara Miracola, Sarah Long, Jess King and Tanya Uscinias. Here is a link to our facebook page.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=121869180059

‘See Me Crumple’ is an immersive play space reminiscent of the carnival fun house. This collaborations of artistic mediums threads together the virtual and physical to generate a fantasy world where nothing is quite as it seems, but everything is what you make of it.

Rememberance Day of Me

commemorating remembrance day
i scrape the dust from between toe and concrete lawn
dirty my trowel with fresh rain
poke holes with my fingers
and plant seeds
to grow things of glistening red...