Sometime between the cat cry and early morning riser
anxiety crept in
slipped in beneath oiled soaked sheets
and was swallowed legs and all.
Gulped up by the thirst for early morning reprise...
dehydrated by a night of knowing
with swollen tongue my gasping mouth welcomed her
deceived by her twilight disguise...

I wake with a sunken tightness
that sticks like a heavy residue
to my bottom right rib
and encases my lungs
with a painful grip...

Last night I dreamt of the nearing future
transcending past grief into stupid petty thoughts of tomorrow
unnecessary burdens that entangle my intestines
like one of Lorraine Leyland's
'Devils on Horseback'
cooked wrong way
on this road trip of uncertainty

I count these minutes
as though they are the unwanted last
The train is drawing nearer
but the que is long
and the pointed hats block
the departure time
it flickers yellow
and I sense movement at the station

Inside a glass pot
a flower has bloomed...
I witnessed it's virgin awakenings
but boredom distracted me from it's glorious struggle
to beauty

I am sickened by my inabilities
is this all life has taught me?

I eat to fill the waiting minutes
like a child at the dinner table
waiting from breakfast to dusk
I bother a working woman
and long for a school day
that only brings the torture of bullies...
ungrateful of my summer reprieve

I want to dye my hair red like her
clean out the fridge like she
crack those walnuts
that I eat despite the bitterness...

my limbs shrunken
can't reach my strings
cut loose by a negligent puppet master
I dangle and observe
this sliding heat
my scrabbling feet
barely brushing the earth
disturbs the dust
that makes me sneeze
and stops my breath
paralysed by the fear of being blinded
by this cloud
i squint to see
nothing is clear to me
nothing is clear...

lost in the desert

the heat... sits like panic in my ribcage
an anxiety that leaks from my pores...
i drip into the concrete
my skin opening
cracks parting for breath
only to be met by a stifling heat...
like a memory sought out but unwanted.

cool sweat pools into the sunken bellows of my eyes

fled again
stripped myself clean of belonging
in search of self
to be met with the humbug
of an epic soundtrack
that belts out the narrative of my year...
emptiness met by loneliness
belonging flogged by the camel whip
into a powdery dust storm
that lingers in our teeth
like lasts night grit

i dream of family
sleepless pain
of broken wombs
and bloodied rivers
of detrimental songs
and broken truths...
gone are the days of metaphoric broken teeth
my nights are filled with their shadows

an echo escapes my lip
confused static between stations
is the vocab I am left with
blank stares and muffled ears
follow me around like ghosts
in this town of yesterday

I wanted a break
an escape
but the one thing I needed to leave behind
is permantley lining my suitcase
even this desert blaze can't erase this silent shadow